My Struggle with Mental Health


Once again, I sit here reading numerous articles relating to the recent suicide of Robin Williams after struggling a long time with depression. I felt that now would be a good time to update you all on my personal story as the last post I wrote got a really great response and I know it helped some of you out there so hopefully it can have a similar effect this time. 

In fact it's just over a year since my last post, I like to think I've come a long way since then, however my journey hasn't ended and you would be naive to think it's a quick fix or something you can simply 'get over' and 'move on with your life'. It's a long and tiring journey and honestly, I've wanted to throw in the towel several times, but for some reason I never did, I kept going and I'm very grateful that I never gave up on myself.

So, lets do a small recap, I suffer with Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania both of which are linked to OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) which are something I also suffer from. And of course I also suffer heavily from Anxiety and with that comes anxiety and panic attacks, it can be a vicious cycle, and I'm still struggling daily with not letting it overtake my life as it so easily has before. I'll be the first admit that I'm not perfect and I still have really bad days, but I've learned to accept them for what they are 'a bad day' there's plenty more days that can be more positive so I'm teaching myself to not dwell on negatives anymore.

The biggest step for me was admitting to myself there was a problem, and I mean really admitting there was something wrong and I wasn't coping. I went into therapy and it was honestly one of my best decisions, the person I saw was great and I felt comfortable talking to her which is a very important thing in therapy. How can you open up if you don't feel comfortable? I urge anyone in therapy who doesn't feel comfortable to be honest and ask to see another person, if you don't ask you'll never know. The person I saw made that very clear that if I didn't feel at ease speaking with her I could see a different person, luckily for me she was great and in some ways she saved my life. 

Although I was recommended to take SSRI's, I chose not to and I'm still unsure whether that was the right decision or not but only time will tell and who knows I may turn to them in the future, but I didn't feel the time was right when they were prescribed to me. I definitely think if I head to my GP for my mental health again I probably will take them as I resisted heavily the first time round, and I guess the first time round I felt like I was 'giving up' I can see now that is not the case at all. So, please listen to your doctor, talk to your doctor and make sure you are both happy and fully understand everything and please never feel like you are giving up by going on any type of medication.

Self-harm comes in many forms, and although I won't personally talk about my experiences as I feel that will be triggering and/or in someway giving people ideas, and that isn't what this post is about nor would I want it to be. I've learned the same thing with it as my other disorders is that you can have bad days and good days and the most important thing is to not dwell on the bad ones, to take each day as it is and remember tomorrow can and will be better. I'm not going to sit here and say I haven't done it recently because that would be a lie, however I don't let it bring me down like it used to, I try to remind myself tomorrow is a new day and I'm not going to let yesterday dictate it. 

I have kept up with my 'Day One' app and posting at least one entry per day, sometimes more, I try to keep most entries positive, finding at least one thing per day that was good. Yes, I do post entries that are more negative but I see them as reminders that I do still have bad days, but it's ok and it actually helps to remind me that everyday isn't bad, there is still plenty of positive. I won't pretend that the bad days aren't really bad and can feel totally overwhelming but I'm still learning and teaching myself to deal with all this. Maybe that is why I've found the 'Day One' app to be a really great therapy tool for myself as honestly there have been times where I've really struggled but it's helped me take time to have a think and realise my entire day wasn't as terrible as I may have thought.

You can download your copy of the app via their website HERE. I'm personally going to be downloading the Mac App tonight so I can add entries via my phone and macbook. I believe it costs around £2.99 on iPhone and £6.99 for the Mac app, you don't need both obviously but since i've been using the app everyday for almost two months now I will be purchasing it for my Mac as it's been a really valuable tool for me. 

Anyway! Back to the point, find something that helps you, whether it's a hobby, phone app, book etc, find something that you can use to help yourself with. There is no strict rule to what can or cannot help you so try out new things, and you might find something amazing to help you. I've found many things over the past year and I'm still exploring new things to help with my health but it's important to keep trying and don't give up if the first few things you try don't work out.

Overall, I think this blog post is a bit all over the place, but it's been a long day and well it's a little hello into the mind of myself. I promise to make a future post and update on my mental health and hopefully it'll be a little more planned out than this one! 

I've got plenty of ideas for posts coming up soon, so please watch out for them as I'm excited to be getting back into the swing of things over here. I'll be sharing a lot more about my freelance work and may start doing more reviews of products/clothing/films and TV as that is certainly something I enjoy writing about. I'm also thinking of doing a flashback series of posts which will look into some of my favourite things from the past, whether it's TV or clothes etc. 

I'll see you all in my next post, which I promise won't be text heavy like this one!

- Bambi -

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  1. Hey,
    I really really like your Blog! You have interesting Stuff on it. Maybe you want to follow each other via GFC? If yes please tell me that you followed me and i follow you back, beauty :).

    Greetings and Kisses from Germany


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