What is happiness?

04:49

This post has no pictures, if you like pictures this post is definitely not for you!

Normally when I can't sleep, which is pretty often, I tend to just sit and colour or walk around. Sometimes, I give up trying to sleep altogether and watch stuff on Netflix etc, tonight has been one of those nights. Maybe it's because I've slept badly for the past week or maybe it's down to writing my new years day post earlier, whatever it is I'm back and I'm writing yet more nonsense I'm afraid. Shall we just get straight into it?

What is happiness? An odd question, something that no one can really answer right? It's something personal for everyone. I was watching Hector and the Search for Happiness earlier this evening (pretty good I'd recommend watching it if you get a chance), and it seemed to grab at my emotions. Then I was sat watching A Long Way Down, again another decent film you should check out, it again tore at my emotions and I now find myself here writing on my little old blog.

I guess I've always wanted to be happy, but that isn't really possible when you don't really understand what will make you happy, it's like doing a word search with a blindfold on. Until today, I guess I started to understand what happiness is, so here is what I think it is.

I think it's every single emotion. Yep, the positive ones and the negative ones. All of them. Roll them up into a big ball and boom, you've got happiness. I'm not sure whether all those emotions can apply to several things or just one, maybe it's several, I'm not too sure to be quite honest. It made me think about love, falling in love is a happy emotion, being in love with someone is happy, all those emotions surrounding that person you love with all your heart can be good or bad, it doesn't really matter because in the end, as long as you have a mix of them all you're happy right? It only stops being happiness when you start to lose some of the emotions, again good or bad, you can't appreciate the good times if there are no bad times. How do you even know the great times are actually great if there's no comparison, and no, comparing it to other people doesn't count as everyone is different. I guess that's where we go wrong, we like to compare our happiness to that of others. That's the problem. 

When we barely understand happiness, when we look at people who seem happy, it's usually just the good side, we don't see the bad side, and even if we did, theres no way we'd ever see that as happy in any way. That's the problem. Happiness is personal, it's all of those emotions rolled into one. We like to show the best possible version of ourselves, so no wonder we are all so confused.

I've suffered with depression on/off for years, it started back in secondary school, and generally, I've never felt truly Happy, even if at times I had convinced myself that I was. Am I happy now? I'm certainly happier, but happy, no not yet. I guess I'm waiting for that moment. The thing that makes me have all of those emotions, that I wouldn't want to change for anything in the world. The highs and lows. For some it's falling in love, for others is having children or having the career they want. Or maybe its something else or a mixture of several things, I don't think I've found mine yet, but you never know what's round the corner, maybe I'll fall madly in love and finally be truly happy. I guess that highlights that other burning question, what is love? Maybe that's a post for another day, you know when I've figured that one out.

I guess it's a little weird to write about happiness when I myself am not actually what you would describe as happy. It's easier to keep an eye out for happiness when I start to feel a whole load of different emotions, I think it's something that grows over time, we will never wake up one day and just be happy. But maybe, if we're lucky, we'll wake up one day and not remember a time we didn't feel that way. That's a pretty nice thought right? Now that is something I can search for, keep an eye out for, instead of searching for happiness, I'm going to look out for the time when it was forever ago that I weren't happy. That's something more positive and 2016 is going to be a year of positive changes, and this can and will be one of them.

Not sleeping makes you write a lot of random nonsense at almost 5am. I'm going to stop writing this post as I can feel that it'll end up being complete chaos, and I feel like I've managed to get my little idea across, I think.

I'm off to try and finally get some rest maybe? Feel free to share your ideas on What is happiness in the comments / emails / messages etc





- Bambi -

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